Health - Family - Food

Does the blame game leave you feeling unsatisfied and unhappy? Does expressing your emotions in terms of who is right and who is wrong ever leave you feeling worse than when you started. Fortunately, you can improve your relationships and the quality of your life by following three easy steps.

In order to help yourself become a happier person, first determine what's causing your frustration and anger. Listing what upsets you the most will help. This list will usually show that your anger stems from being focused on who's "right" and who's "wrong." And only understanding what you "don't want"

We believe thinking like this: "They lie to me;" "They interrupt when I talk;" or "They wouldn't act like that if they really cared." is paying attention solely to the fact that the other people are simply WRONG:

Notice how each of these thoughts focuses on things that the person doesn't want to have happen they don't want to be lied to, they don't want to think that they're not cared for, and they don't want to be interrupted. Whenever you focus on what you don't want, it's very easy to become trapped in the "Right/Wrong Game".

How do we learn this game? From a tender young age we have been taught that it is very important to be able to distinguish who's right and who's wrong, what's appropriate and what's not. We are taught this by the adults who surrounds. They played this game with us, and now it seems as though it's the only game we all know how to play.

The problem with this is that, while we learn to be very good at identifying who's right and who's wrong and saying what we don't want, we don't learn the skills to identify what we do want--the things that are really important to us.

What's worse, partaking in this game can drain you--a cause of stress that diminishes your sleep, attitude, and finally, your happiness. The "You're wrong, I'm Right" game creates cycles of pain, confusion, and discomfort. If you find that you feel uncomfortable when pondering the same issue more than three times, it is likely that the cycle has begun.

Consider this, vicious circle: frustration and anger cause stress, which affects how you feel. These feelings help determine how you interact with others. If those interactions don't go smoothly, frustration and anger grows, which causes more stress. We play the "Right/Wrong Game" whenever we dwell on old hurts or upsetting situations. And remember everyone who plays that game loses. Nobody wins in the Blame Game. We suggest that you learn to break free from this cycle now.

You can, fortunately, decide for yourself whether you want to keep playing this game. A good description of this choice can be found in a quote from "The Course in Miracles." The quote reads, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?"

How to Release Yourself

To escape this cycle, you must learn to figure out, quickly, what you do want, instead of focusing on what you don't want and being "right." Once you focus on what you really want, you can break free from this cycle and achieve true happiness.

More than just desire is needed to stop playing the "Right/Wrong Game and wishing your anger to magically evaporate will not work. As with all things it will take developing the skills and strategies needed to identify the cycle and to put it to a halt. "Right/Wrong" thinking is a bad habit that can be broken with a little conscious effort.

Follow these three easy steps to help you immediately create a new and more rewarding game.

Step One: Let Your Feelings Guide You

We've previously covered why we tend to fixate on who's right and who's wrong thinking and the habit of assigning blame. How this tendency leads to more discomfort, which we're happy to say is a key component in your emotional alarm system. It warns telling you something that deeply matters to you is absent in the situation. This discomfort can guide you back to what you truly value and a much more happy life. Use these feelings as a reminder to focus on what's important.

Step Two: What Do You Want?

You can't stop focusing on what you don't want unless you focus on something else. So it's important to know what it is that you do want in a particular situation. For example, if you hear yourself thinking about what it is that you don't want--"I hate it when people lie to me!"--stop and think about why this is important to you. It probably has to do with trusting the other person. So in that situation, trust is what you do want.

If you are feeling uncomfortable about something that happened, and you notice your inner voice complaining that "No one who loves me would say those things!" then kindness and respect are probably what you actually desire. In this case you're "do want" might be for others to demonstrate that they value you and your opinions.

Before you can get what you really want out of life, you must first determine exactly what that is.

Step Three: Get In Action!

After you have identified what is important in a situation, and what you want, you can get an action by creating a plan. Focusing on specific things you can do or can say in the situation that will allow you to create more of what you desire. Stop focusing on what you do not want. For example, if you want more trusting relationships, do something that will generate the trust you want. If you want to have more caring and your relationships, do something that demonstrates caring.

Even taking a tiny action in the direction of what you "do want" is better than sitting around and suffering. When you start to take action, you will begin to notice your anger and tensions melting away! Indeed, you can free yourself from the "Right/Wrong Cycle" by working towards those things which you really want. By taking immediate action, you start down the path that leads to a stress free, happier life.

Are you ready to change your focus and play a new game? Sign up for our thought-provoking and motivational Weekly Action Tips eMail series at: http://www.FocusedAttention.com/cmd.php?ad=317928. Each tip offers unique self-help skills and personal growth techniques to help you in focusing on the things that are most important to you. Or visit us at: http://www.FocusedAttention.com